Example of Classmate Essay Evaluation

Published: 2021-06-29
808 words
3 pages
7 min to read
Carnegie Mellon University
Type of paper: 
Article review
This essay has been submitted by a student. This is not an example of the work written by our professional essay writers.

Upon reading your essay, I must say that I garnered invaluable insights regarding the current nature of the food industry and how it can be fashioned to take care of the needs of end users. Therein is a claim that irrespective of the fact that a litany of moving parts and people are the only thing that can help find the solutions to the basic problems that are facing the food industry, regulation from the government would be of help as it would control the buyers and sellers. In addition to that, there is mentioning that the issue has to be addressed because food affects everyone on a global level.

The enthymeme deduces that The food industry is dominated by a few selected companies that control the value and standard of the foods we consume, but at this point in the essay, there are insufficient premises to back this claim. It is quite commendable that the essay points out the real problem to be the market predisposing buyers to cheap and unhealthy foods

Improvement of the enthymeme can be realized if there is mention of what can be done as a part of the solution; more so by the government. Stating how control can be affected would help in the realization of a better understanding of the essay by readers who can be able to know what the entirety of the essay is all about after reading the contents of the first page.

All the same, it is worth mentioning that at some point in the essay there is mention of the word manipulation of end users by the players in the food industry. It is not stated clearly the manipulation tactics that are used by owners of food stores. In addition to that, there is no clear mention of what is the real definition of cheap. All I mean to say is that I am not convinced that the food industry bears absolute power over its consumers by means of pricing; this is because consumers are, have been and will always be rational individuals that are perceptive of the right things to buy and the opportunity costs that they would have to incur. An opportunity cost is the forgone alternative of the actual cost of what is taken.

All the quotations that are incorporated into the essay were carefully crafted and explained. For instance [Michael Moss, a New York Times investigative reporter, states, So why are diabetes and obesity and hypertension numbers still spiraling out of control? Its not just a matter of poor willpower on the part of the consumer and a give the people what they want attitude on the part of the food manufacturers. What I found [...] was a conscious effort [..] to get people hooked on foods that are convenient and inexpensive (477] is a surefire way of telling there is an awareness on how to back up claims made on the part of the author of the essay. The quotation by Michael Moss has shown above is a surefire way of telling and a backing to the claim that the authors point of the existence of a main problem in the food industry and not largely a challenge on the part of consumers. Such are supportive since all claims made are supportive of these statements. Citations have used MLA style formatting and as a requirement has been placed where research statements and not personal statements have been quoted. Page numbers were also used; the only thing that was left out is that the author did not use surname as a header.

Opposing viewpoints have been addressed in the article such as those of. Michael Pollan who is a writer and teacher at UC Berkeley; he affirms that the health of a person is dependent on his or her personal choices and his or her ultimate decision to fix such problems. For that matter, it is clear that the author has made a clear distinction between what the author thinks and what critics think. With respect to matters of organization, all the topic sentences have indeed acted like a summary for all the paragraphs that it introduces. For instance, the topic sentence of the third paragraph is The food industry has been constructed due to the amount resources fueled by the major corporations that operate it. After stating this topic sentence at the beginning of the third paragraph what happens is that the author goes ahead and explains in what manner the food industry is dominated by all the industries therein.

As a final commentary, the paragraph in the essay that I think is most effective is the first paragraph. I think it is the most effective one because it helps the audiences understand what the entirety of the essay is all about. Without it, audiences would be lost in their own machinations.

Yours Sincerely

Fellow Classmate

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