Steps the Husband Ought to Take - Paper Example

Published: 2021-07-30
651 words
3 pages
6 min to read
Sewanee University of the South
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Infidelity is failing to keep the promise to remain faithful in marriage. In case a man suspects his wife is having an affair with the pastor, the following are steps he should follow.

First, the man should wait until he is sure. Suspicion is never proving of infidelity (Berkley, 2007). The man needs to take his time and monitor the movements of his wife to be sure she is cheating instead of going to the public or else he may cause more problems to his marriage. Secondly, in case he has evidence of the affair, he should approach his wife with the evidence he has gathered, the wife may confirm personally of having an extramarital affair with the pastor, apologize and reform. Alternatively, he may file a signed complaint with two or more witnesses to the church board. The church board will notify the pastor of the charge against him and the date of hearing. Next, the church board will work for a select committee to hear the case and make judgments. If the pastor is found guilty, the church policies will apply (Chivasa, 2017).

The church elder did not care to confirm the truth with the wifes husband. Instead, he acted on a rumor from his wife. As the leader, he should be very sure with what he says on the board. He ought to have taken the following steps. Confront the wife and husband to establish the truth, approach the pastor and warn him. If he is sure and the pastor denies or continues with the affair, then he can contact the board to apply church policies (Chivasa, 2017).

Possible negative outcomes

Information may reach other church members resulting into church members losing faith in the pastor. Most congregant values not only their dignity but that of the pastor too. In case of such issues in the church, some church members may be discouraged to be led by the same pastor. Secondly, the information if not right may affect the relationship of the pastor with other congregants unless he transfers to some different brand. Moreover, it may lead to further marital issues resulting to divorce or the husband dropping from the church.

Possible positive outcomes

Knowing the truth is very important. Elder confirming the fact from the pastor will give him a piece of mind. Besides, the husband may learn the truth concerning his suspicion, apologize if he was wrong and rebuild trust in his marriage. Better still the wife may get to know how her husband feels about being close with the pastor and be sorry and stick close to her husband. Next, the pastor may learn to create boundaries with the church members not to destroy his reputation. Finally, the board may recommend for the pastor to move to another district before the rumor gets too much thereby damaging the status of the church.

Steps to be incorporated by all leadership to provide proper boundaries

The leaders, to avoid mistakes may apply the following steps:

Conduct an honest inventory of the power granted to you by God to minimize the miss use of power on has. Secondly, they should list wise counsel to monitor dual relationships like a therapist, mentors or elders for perspective and counsel. Next leaders should be sensitive to gender, ethnic, cultural and generational nuances. Leaders should lovingly release people, and remember that the burden to set boundaries and to keep them clear falls on the person with power. Next, they should focus on their primary role. In the next step, leaders can meditate on the life of Jesus when they encounter suffering and loneliness of leadership. Finally, leaders should ask God for grace to forgive their enemies and themselves.


Berkley, J. (2007). Leadership Handbook of Management and Administration. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. Chapters 17-21

Chivasa, N. (2017). Handling of pastoral misconduct and discipline: Evidence from the Apostolic Faith Mission in Zimbabwe church. HTS Theological Studies, 73(3), 1-8.

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